I did it I took the last chemo! I was ready to quit after 4 as I was soooooooooo sick (I did tell you how sick I was right?) I showed up at the Oncology ward in my black bobbed wig (Dr. Bourques fav). With a huge cake for all the angels who looked after me. The thing that was so sad is that so many new patients we're there and they are so young. Young men in their 20's young women in their 30's. So young.
I was the first one there on Wednesday, the nurses who usually looked after me we're out sick 3 of them!!! I felt like a three year old again wanting to say Betty do it or Lisa do it!! But someone new administered the chemo and I did fine.
I hung up my leather jacket and decided to take off my wig and hung it on the same hook. Dianne one of the nurses got a charge out of that. I really don't think I just do and if I can make someone smile while I'm in there then its been a good day.
Frank came early to pick me up. I think our cheeks we're hurting from smiling so much that this was the last one. Oh and that the pic line was coming out of my arm. Frank for 5 months has been afraid of hitting my arm in his sleep and hurting me. I had no idea how this had affected him I mean I knew he didn't like it, but Wednesday evening I went to take a bath and I went to put a bandaid on it and he freaked "NO" you're done with bandaids on that arm...."alrighty then".
Robert my son was so relieved to have chemo done as well. He said to me that he hoped I had gotten enough attention from him, but that he had found this whole journey tough. Grade 12 is a tough enough year, but he knows he will one day have a friend who will have a mother or a sister or cousin going through this and he will know how to help them.
I know alot of my friends are happy I'm done as well, so many have actually felt they have had my symptoms. My lil sister Jennifer during chemo 1 had canker sores the whole week, she didn't know these we're side effects....she says to me "great I'm going through chemo"!!!
I've had friends travel from Saint John and other neighboring towns to have lunch with me. those aren't going to stop!! So much laughter so much sadness so many tears but I'm done diddly done done done.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
One More to Go
Well no meltdowns so far. Usually the day before I start the steroids and go for bloodwork I throw a temper tantrum. But must be because its the last one I am calm ...calm for me. What a run. Its been hard. My toes on my right foot are still numb from the last one. Well one toe. (Iam such an embellisher).
Franks away for the night, Robert hesays he aced his English.exam How he gets 80's in some is amazing as he doesn't open a book He is majoring in his girlfriend!!!!!! Much to my chagrin. Oh the teen years. I however was a perfect teen. Not!!! I remember my Mother saying "you wait young lady you'll be paid back"!! Really he isn't all that bad. But I am being paid back.
Back to the Chemo one left but I don't want it! Ok here comes the tantrum. Nope false alarm.
I got the date today for my surgery on my breast, Feb18th they will go in and take out the tissue expander so they can do the radiation in March. Then I will wait 9 months for the Breast Reconstruction. I'm not going to spend alot of time wondering if the cancer will come back. I'm going to live my life and treat my body like a temple. I don't know if I'll blog when all this is done, I definitely will through the radiation.,
There I hit the italic button again and can't turn it off. oh well
But my hair oh my hair I have quite bit of fuzz and hair on my head!!!! It's blond and dark can't really tell I always played with my hair and what little is there I am playing with. I massage it everyday certain this will increase growth. When its 2 inches I hope to just go with it. Currently there is 1/16th of an inch.
I'm going to Louisiana Feb 6th. Can't wait I will bring my wigs and for a couple of weeks all this will be a dream behind me. I won`t say nightmare because so much good has come from this experience. I have changed my outlook and I am more patient!! I try to look at situations that before would baffle me and now I`m not so baffled. Think think think and if I still need to react I think think think. Oh I still yell and pout. Come on. They took my breast not my lil selfish ways. Those will go with age , hopefully and I intend on living to a grand ol age.
xo
Franks away for the night, Robert hesays he aced his English.exam How he gets 80's in some is amazing as he doesn't open a book He is majoring in his girlfriend!!!!!! Much to my chagrin. Oh the teen years. I however was a perfect teen. Not!!! I remember my Mother saying "you wait young lady you'll be paid back"!! Really he isn't all that bad. But I am being paid back.
Back to the Chemo one left but I don't want it! Ok here comes the tantrum. Nope false alarm.
I got the date today for my surgery on my breast, Feb18th they will go in and take out the tissue expander so they can do the radiation in March. Then I will wait 9 months for the Breast Reconstruction. I'm not going to spend alot of time wondering if the cancer will come back. I'm going to live my life and treat my body like a temple. I don't know if I'll blog when all this is done, I definitely will through the radiation.,
There I hit the italic button again and can't turn it off. oh well
But my hair oh my hair I have quite bit of fuzz and hair on my head!!!! It's blond and dark can't really tell I always played with my hair and what little is there I am playing with. I massage it everyday certain this will increase growth. When its 2 inches I hope to just go with it. Currently there is 1/16th of an inch.
I'm going to Louisiana Feb 6th. Can't wait I will bring my wigs and for a couple of weeks all this will be a dream behind me. I won`t say nightmare because so much good has come from this experience. I have changed my outlook and I am more patient!! I try to look at situations that before would baffle me and now I`m not so baffled. Think think think and if I still need to react I think think think. Oh I still yell and pout. Come on. They took my breast not my lil selfish ways. Those will go with age , hopefully and I intend on living to a grand ol age.
xo
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Life-new hair new revelations
Today I held my best friends granddaughter Ava. I 'd seen her pictures but saw her in person for the first time today. As I held her I looked at her and with 100% assurance that by the time she is a teenager there will be a cure for breast cancer.
A cure that doesn't take you're breast, you're hair, your self esteem, and as I write this there is so much breast cancer gave me. It made me see that I am quite humorous and definitely have a sense of humour. I have courage, I am brave, I can get through it if god brings me to it. I have seen friendship that knows no bounds, I have a love from a man that I thought was only in the movies or books. I've watched a son go from an immature teenager into a man.
People tell me they admire me and I like that except I know these people would drum up all that they have to fight this fight. Because others have and they are fighting.
I had lots of plans while going through this. I thought I would do a series of paintings inspired by the cancer and the journey. But that is on hold until I have more strength, I get one good week or a few days between chemos and that strength has to go to my family.
I went without wearing my wigs for almost a month, just wore scarves or hats. I wore my wig yesterday and was hit on two different times!!!!!! Ah yeah wearing for now on. Whoohoo never thought I would feel sexy again but I did. Who doesn't like a lil attention , just because they were in their 80's no just joshing... 65!
Because of cancer I know what someone with a disability a really visual one feels like. People see that I am bald and jump right to cancer and I get the "cancer smile", or they look and look away really fast. Like they'd turn to stone if they looked into my eyes. I love the ones who have had loved ones take this journey, if they have been touched by cancer they have a spirit that is so genuine.
This week this feeling really good week, I have laughed more and enjoyed more of people places and things then I have in months. I know this will all soon be behind me and I will get less and less attention, all ready people are like "this over yet".
Touching my peach fuzz and guessing the colour my hair is going to be is a favourite game many play now when they see me. This is actually fun, because all emphasis is off anything sad.
I know there was alot more I wanted to say tonight but my short term memory has everything erased.
xoxo
1 chemo left jan 27th pray for me please, I've made it through 5 without serious complications all fingers crossed. Then I'm on to the next phase of this incredibley long journey. Ahh but the trip has been fascinating.
A cure that doesn't take you're breast, you're hair, your self esteem, and as I write this there is so much breast cancer gave me. It made me see that I am quite humorous and definitely have a sense of humour. I have courage, I am brave, I can get through it if god brings me to it. I have seen friendship that knows no bounds, I have a love from a man that I thought was only in the movies or books. I've watched a son go from an immature teenager into a man.
People tell me they admire me and I like that except I know these people would drum up all that they have to fight this fight. Because others have and they are fighting.
I had lots of plans while going through this. I thought I would do a series of paintings inspired by the cancer and the journey. But that is on hold until I have more strength, I get one good week or a few days between chemos and that strength has to go to my family.
I went without wearing my wigs for almost a month, just wore scarves or hats. I wore my wig yesterday and was hit on two different times!!!!!! Ah yeah wearing for now on. Whoohoo never thought I would feel sexy again but I did. Who doesn't like a lil attention , just because they were in their 80's no just joshing... 65!
Because of cancer I know what someone with a disability a really visual one feels like. People see that I am bald and jump right to cancer and I get the "cancer smile", or they look and look away really fast. Like they'd turn to stone if they looked into my eyes. I love the ones who have had loved ones take this journey, if they have been touched by cancer they have a spirit that is so genuine.
This week this feeling really good week, I have laughed more and enjoyed more of people places and things then I have in months. I know this will all soon be behind me and I will get less and less attention, all ready people are like "this over yet".
Touching my peach fuzz and guessing the colour my hair is going to be is a favourite game many play now when they see me. This is actually fun, because all emphasis is off anything sad.
I know there was alot more I wanted to say tonight but my short term memory has everything erased.
xoxo
1 chemo left jan 27th pray for me please, I've made it through 5 without serious complications all fingers crossed. Then I'm on to the next phase of this incredibley long journey. Ahh but the trip has been fascinating.
Monday, January 18, 2010
First leg of this trip coming to an End
Well the chemo part of the Breast Cancer life is coming to an end soon. Then it will be a whole new phase whole new me. As I wrote that I thought no not whole still missing a breast. Funny my thoughts. But I am whole I am me with one Breast. Its funny how this whole blog has mostly been about my breast. Well it is breast cancer. I can stand naked in my bathroom and look in the mirror now and feel at ease with my body. Now I say ease I can stand myself and don't feel like an alien. My it was hard at first. I sometimes wonder if I will get the cancer in the other?? But I don't dwell or go there for long. If I do then this whole process will just be repeated only I will be in Greece thankyou very much they must have Oncologists there who would love to have me.
Well the phone rang twice and interrupted this blog. I went to the gym today!! First time in quite a few months felt great. Lost a little chemo weight looking good and feeling good today.
Well the phone rang twice and interrupted this blog. I went to the gym today!! First time in quite a few months felt great. Lost a little chemo weight looking good and feeling good today.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Running Through January
I cannot believe I am actually sitting at my computer. Its like I'm in a race and I know I'm going to win but I'm going to break every long distance record ever run!!! While I'm in the race. Phew can't catch my breath. Good thing American Idol is on this month i can stop and watch that. I got out of bed 5 days after chemo this time aching limbs and all (love being a martyr) just to speed things up. Ended up back in bed today but its the 13th of January. Two weeks and I have the last of the chemo treatments whoo hoo yeehaw let the bells ring. Yupo can't settle myself down, I could stop caffeine but wheres the fun in that?? Good thing I don't smoke I'd be blowing smoke out all orifices. Can you feel my tremors my excitement my energy.
OK OK I'll settle down here. Frank loves my new peach fuzz look thank God. I have like a halo on my head, I'm so proud I almost went wig less today at the grocery store...but come 0n no one ever miss took me for Christie Brinkley think I'll keep the wig on for awhile.You know if you haven't had cancer and chemo treatment I'll give you an idea as to what the end is like. Its like a bride waiting for the wedding day, or a woman who knows her due date. Its so exciting knowing the hardest thing in my life to date is going to end. Be done. Oh January I've always loved you but please speed on. xo
OK OK I'll settle down here. Frank loves my new peach fuzz look thank God. I have like a halo on my head, I'm so proud I almost went wig less today at the grocery store...but come 0n no one ever miss took me for Christie Brinkley think I'll keep the wig on for awhile.You know if you haven't had cancer and chemo treatment I'll give you an idea as to what the end is like. Its like a bride waiting for the wedding day, or a woman who knows her due date. Its so exciting knowing the hardest thing in my life to date is going to end. Be done. Oh January I've always loved you but please speed on. xo
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