Day 7 skipped day 6

WEll I have 3 women in my kitchen this mornign making sandwiches for a baby shower so exciting. The best thing about these things are the women's voices and the talks and news and some gossip. We also are all coronation street watchers so had a laugh over that. Yesterday I wasn't down in the dumps but was just so tired. Had a few friends drop by and made my famous latte for everyone. So nice that people know me for my coffee rather then wine. Just one more sleep and I get all the details and game plan to beat this thing. I had nightmares again this time I had lung cancer. ooooooooooh God. Frank is awake whenever I wake up. He is scared . We have this joke I ask him "are you my puppy dog"? he looks at me and says "woof"!! He's been saying woof alot.
If you've never heard the C word then you're lucky, because its a crazy space to be in.I think I am nicer then before. I just refuse to get upset about anything because stress is the killer. If I'm upset then everyone around me gets emotional. I made a rule when we moved into the house everyone takes off their shoes. Well naturally my two guys would forget, funny for the last week they haven't forgotten. Frank keeps talking about all our future trips we have planned. I get excited and then out of the blue I get scared I won't be here to go on them. But thats the negative part of this disease you cannot go to that place or you might get stuck there and that can't be good.
But today is all about baby Anna our new baby girl in the family. Anna has always been one of my favourite names.

Day 5 with a Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Well I woke up pretty pretty tired. I had a nightmare about Frank, in my dream I couldn't find him, when I did he says I couldn't come home, and he would tell me why "frame by frame". Do woke up cranky and sleepy and shitty. Went to a meeting and started crying around 11 finished about1.30 My dear friend came by, Therese and we hugged and cried together. My sister was here Jennifer and her son Jack he mowes the lawn for us. (making a small fortune I might add). So we chatted Jennifer left and Therese got out all her healing tools. She knows Iroquois customs and did a cleanse on me. A friend and colleague of Franks came by she was dropping off something for Frank, so she joined the ceremony. She was exhilarated and it was great. My sense of sorrow left and went across the street and met my new neighbors. Having a wine and cheese for all my neighbors next week no one knows eachother so they need someone to initiate and I love to instigate so it will be nice.
I yelled at my son during a meltdown and crying jag. Felt bad. He felt worse. He forgave me. He's out spending his paycheck on his new girlfriend right now.
You know I was starting to get morbid about the whole thing alot of "what ifs" and "whats next"will I be here for Christmas. But I got through it, because it must be part of my process. You know I always believed I was going to grow up and be Doris Day, I watched all her movies and guess what her movies always had happy endings. So I will too. I choose to fight to live to love and to laugh. Oh and I am living quite a fairytale life so I will be fine this weekend. Two more days until I see the Surgeon and she tells me what my steps are going to be. Franks taking me to Bogarts my favourite restaurant for supper so I plan on dressing to the nines and feeling fabulouse. Thank Goodness for the support of my family and friends. God bless everyone today. Crying does clear your eyes so you can see.

Thursday eving day 4

Well I hope I;m not baring too much on this blog. But I really just like putting it out there I guess. I have actually learned quite a bit this week about myself and I am a fighter, Aways knew I was a go getter but a fighter. I like this Sue. Good thing I don't bite.

Day 4 Afternoon

Well ordered cupcakes for a baby shower on Sunday!! Ate 2 today and bunch of crackers. But I am done stuffing myself with junk. Funny I in other times of crisis I could never eat. But this time its different. Maybe because in some weird way I am in control not the cancer. I am in control so cancer cells get lost. I am not going to let you grow and gather more cancer cell friends. I' done with you.. Frank is tired and upset this afternoon kind of holding it all together for me and Rob but he is tired. Good news though so many projects at work to keep him busy. Had fun with my sisters and nieces for an hour at Jennifers. Love those girls.

Day 4 With Breast Cancer

Well thank goodness for this blog because it is slowing me down. I can get prettty hyper and so I need to slow down. Frank is telling me everytime he sees me how much he loves me. Finding true love is amazing. Knowing someone loves you as much as you love them, trusting they will never break your heart. A few weeks ago my sister Patti and I went to the copper roof and little craft store in the country. I found the bust of a woman, she looks like a woman from the 1800,its a bust of her neckline only and her hair is pulled back in a bun. She has spots all over her. I bought her. I remember when I bought her that I had to have her and couldn't understand why. Well now I know. Last night I was looking at her and realized she doesn't have breasts. So maybe she is me. I decided to put her by my bed and everyday I am going to remove a spot with white paint. The spots to me represent cancer. She is my little beacon of hope when all her spots are gone my shall be too!!

Day 3 Evening

Wow what a day. So many emotions the up and downs. But tonight we had our bridge lesson. Frank is teaching my two girlfriends and myself Bridge. For 3 hours no Cancer talk. Laughter and good stress. Love cards. My baby boy called me from work he's so sad, for his Momma. But he will be fine as long as I keep my attitude. Optimism the only way to go from here. So much to look forward to. Oh and there's a new baby in our Family my nephews wife gave birth to a much awaited for girl. Anna, what a sweetie, they have a lil darling named Izack, my sister had 3 boys and now she has a grand baby girl. So happy for her. I'm discovering I love plants want to watch them grow and thrive. Life is good. 4 more days til I see the surgeon. Not wishing my life away but can't wait to hear what the steps and options are for me. It's going to get rough so I am going to be so strong. Frank had all kinds of projects coming up so he will be busy and not thinking about me and worrying. That's a gooda. Well goodnight to whomever is reading this. Keep praying but pray for yourself too. I prayed for this life and I got it. It's pretty sweet. Oh and met my neighbor across the street, hope she can handle the wild wonderful wacky woman across the street from her.

Day 3 Afternoon

Ok so I'm getting tired because in the grocery store I was getting pouty and angry. Then I saw some plants and decided to buy them. Need to take care of something other then me right now. I've discovered I just may have a green thumb. I had what ever I wanted for lunch..which turned out to be my regular healthy fare. Had Rhubarb Strawberry pie with Frank though. Rob is going to hang out with me this afternoon. This I like.

Day 3 Breast Cancer Diary

Today I feel like I should start my Blog with "Dear Diary", so many thoughts run through my head. I got up this morning and said should we put a sign on the door "Cancer here" to warn people but its not contagious. There are already so many positive things happening to me for example I always weighed myself. Today I didn't I mean who cares how much you weigh when you have cancer?? So another bad habit put to bed. Looking forward to my day going to feed my sisters cats and then to a AA meeting. Thank god I sobered up, can you imagine if I still drank.
OK those of you who didn't know yeah I had a drinking problem, but I survived that too!

End of Day 2

Wow so much love out there. Hate when people start to cry. I will be OK I see the surgeon on Monday the 31st and will know all the steps to this. My son is sad and confused my darling neices Taylor and Marin are scared and Jack my nephew, everyone they have known that had cancer died from it. Now I know why I have it. To show them people and their Aunt Sue will be a survivor.
Got a pair of shoes on sale today. So some things thank god will stay the same. Speaking of God I know he is with me and he is sad too!

Still Day 2 Still Breast Cancer

Well I will neverhave aday two with this diagnosis again if I can suggest not going to the Lingerie dept at Sears to anyone else. It was ok until I realized I shouldn't bua bra until I knew what I was dealing with. Maybe I wouldn't have a breast in a week. So I started to cry right there. My friend Bonnie was with me. Such a drag. Really tired of this already.

Day two with a Cancer Diagnosis

Well I just ate a brownie and two oreo cookies so already "Cancer" has brought good into my life. I would never eat chocolate for lunch. I feel no guilt why should I? I have breast cancer IDC. I spoke to a cool friend and one I have known since Girl Guide Camp when I was 12.She is a nurse with a bunch of degrees. Very smart girl. Gave good advice. See I have 5 days to go to speak to the Surgeon . About what I am looking at. I had a hard time going to sleep but I started a blog by the way. I know nothing about these applications and how anyone can read or access this. Anyway.So I had a hard time going to sleep. had myself dead and buried. Robert brought a little girlfriend home last night. Another good thing from cancer. He has never brought a girl home. He was always afraid I would embarrass him. Meeeeeeeeeeeee???heheheheh

Still day 1

Well all my dear friends have called or emailed their prayers. Enough for now. Need sleep this blog is going to be a great source of venting. So sleep will help me fight.

Spirited Sues Day One with Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Well today is the day I change my life I guess, or not. Will I stay as joyful and radiant and giving. Or will my alter ego come out (my evil twin Serena). Hope I stay joyful and funny because this is just a piiss off. Cancer for petes sake like I needed this. Who needs this I don't want it I want to go to bed and wake up again and the Doctor says good news?? You're biopsy is fine. Go back to your life. But that's not the deal.
My son called me at noon and said Mom I love you, I promise not to stress you out. Thing is he is 18 so he leaving the house stresses me out. He is the clone of me and I know the stuff he can get into and although he tells me everything I know he leaves alot out. Frank just woke up my absolute angel , he really is an angel.
I emailed a bunch of friends and gave them the news on hotmail well why not. I hate the phone unless its me who wants to talk (evil twin). Well I'm going to read up on "infiltrating ductal carcinoma. By the way I cannot spell so sorry for those who read this and wonder what level of education I have.