Yes I admit to being lazy, but its also been a long haul. I just got tired, trying to do too much as always but it lead to a little depression maybe. Oh not clinical but down diddy down down down. Franks knee's started to act up in Louisiana. He had something removed from his leg, it was cancer but they got it all (melanoma) but while he was waiting to see the Specialist he was full of anxiety. Every little tick in his body suddenly was something else. Men! We went to the Dermatologist together. It was a low grade melanoma and he will be fine. Phew!
N ow we're waiting for an MRI for his knee. As well we're waiting for my Radiation to start, they marked me last week, which means I have to be careful in water, not to wash these tattoes off. I kind of melted down over this (which didn't help my low mo row), I mean we just bought a Hot Tub! Guess who can't go in it until the end of Radiation??? Oh Man that was the last straw, I drove home from the Georges Dumont fit to be tied. I know I can be proud of the way I went through the chemo, managed Christmas despite the worse chemo just before Christmas. So this is why I haven't been blogging who wants to hear Sue whine. Not that I haven't whined on these blogs, but things just weren't that funny.
For instance the Sears Bill,now that wasn't funny. See I never had one. Frank had one in his wallet which he never activated,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,So before Christmas we are in Sears, and the Sales Clerk says would you like a Sears card?? Now Frank who doesn't shop, and hadn't been in Sears in years says, well gee I think I have one in my wallet. So I am like whoa lets use it!! Now remember I was a single Mother who although wasn't poverty stricken stayed away from Credit Cards. So we leave Sears with an activated Sears card. Now Frank doesn't realize that I have always wanted to have one. You're thinking well why didn't she long ago just go get one. Because when I was single raising Robb I decided that I would have just so many bills coming in a Month.
I was the queen of budgeting. I digress. So a few weeks later we're watching Television and guess who is having a Sale, and if you get there between 8am and 11am you get like 50% off. So I'm like Frank lets go. I forget what we needed but I am totally on drugs here remember, Steroids which make me hyper. So we get to Sears and I actually get a cart. Now Frank doesn't have this fabulous company he owns because he's a stupid man. He brings a book with him when I want to shop, he settles himself down in a quiet corner and away I go. I really think in my head I thought I was that lil single Mother who was always on the outside looking in. I start filling the cart. I find fabulous deals. Now remember I 'm on steroids. (I'll go back abit) I think after we had bought what we had gone for, Frank says "I'll be over there waiting for you and reading my book. I had looked at my watch and it was 9:15am, I say "I'll see you in about half an hour". Now I find some beautiful blouses, and head for a changing room, well I have brought the wrong sizes so out I go to find the right size. Well guess what? I keep losing my way back to the changing room, and when I would go to find the right size I would see something else that we just had to have and My God it was on Sale and I had a new charge card. Now I did say I was on Steroids and my friends Sandra and Janice are reading this and probably laughing hard they have seen me on Steroids. On steroids I am faster then a speeding bullet, loud, and very funny, and lost in Sears.
I'd say the fifth time getting lost I looked at my watch, 10:45am. Frank I know is probably looking for me and frantic. Because I got lost in the grocery store after my first Chemo, when he found me it wasn't pretty. So now I'm like OMG I have to go find him. So on my way to finding him you'll never guess yup shoes on sale...I stop and start trying on the cutest lil boots that I already had at home or something pretty close. While I'm trying them on I know I'm border line schizophrenic ...cause I send the clerk off for more sizes. I'm feeling guilty knowing Frank is looking for me but I am in a zone here, suddenly I feel someone looking at me I look up and theres Frank leaning over the shopping cart, now when he's mad he puts his glasses low on his nose and tilts his head down. I look up and start laughing hahshaa now I know he's just overheard me say to the clerk "I have a pair at home just like these", because Frank looks at the clerk and says she has forty pairs at home. Then he booms "Sue let's go". So we start going I'm talking a mile a minute about the damn changing rooms being so hard to find. Then what do I see a tray of donuts and free coffee for the customers. Yup I stop and help myself , Frank is almost to the door, I meet a sweet lady from Amherst and start telling her about all the deals. Steroids my God, Frank didn't speak to me the rest of the day. Oh and that shopping cart had about $700.00 in it. He threw the card away when we got the bill. He loves to tell this story to our friends and family he laughs his head off describing me running around with that cart!!!
I'm so glad I blog. How can I possibly be depressed with my life being a Lucille Ball comedy hour.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Radiation or Bust!
Here we go ..I got my call this morning from the Oncology department at the Georges Dumont and I get marked on Thursday, then I go back in about a week for the commencement of 25 days of Radiation. After this I will meet with my Oncologists have the required blood work and tests to see that I am free of the nasty business called cancer.
But Iam excited to begin the final phase of this journey. Sure its going to be tiring, and watching the area of my body shrivel up a bit .ahem not nice. But I'll make new friends over there I always make the nurses laugh..don't know why I just do. Maybe because I say exactly whats going through my mind. No editing for me. ..Sue Live.
I've spent the last three weeks resting up, sleeping in going off of medications, trying to get my mojo back in the kitchen. I found a cookbook at Frenchy's, its really great its full of gourmet recipes you can cook in 30 minutes. I've decided to try most of them. Last night we had chicken breasts stuffed with seafood, sweet potatoes whipped on the side with a delicious Caesar Salad. Tonight its Hungarian Beef with Paprika. Frank had a bad tooth pulled yesterday and his poor mouth was frozen but what he could taste he said was good. He is so sweet after every meal he goes " mm mmnn mmmmmmmmmmm. Honest to God how could you not cook for someone who says my secret ingredient is Love??
I also is going to start exercising I had to take a week off from the treadmill from overdoing it in my Friends torture chamber aka home gym in Atlanta. I would like to look totally svelte when I go 25 days in a row to the Dumont. I will dress to the nines, a different a wig for each outfit and will not repeat an outfit, unless requested by a nurse or very handsome Doctor. Oh to live in my head. Its fun on my Street. Just don't leave me alone for too long.
Have a nice day. Oh and I will leave you with this little bit of news. Yesterday I celebrated 2 years without a drop of Alcohol...Oh yes I miss the drinking and dialing. Be very happy I never had your number.
But Iam excited to begin the final phase of this journey. Sure its going to be tiring, and watching the area of my body shrivel up a bit .ahem not nice. But I'll make new friends over there I always make the nurses laugh..don't know why I just do. Maybe because I say exactly whats going through my mind. No editing for me. ..Sue Live.
I've spent the last three weeks resting up, sleeping in going off of medications, trying to get my mojo back in the kitchen. I found a cookbook at Frenchy's, its really great its full of gourmet recipes you can cook in 30 minutes. I've decided to try most of them. Last night we had chicken breasts stuffed with seafood, sweet potatoes whipped on the side with a delicious Caesar Salad. Tonight its Hungarian Beef with Paprika. Frank had a bad tooth pulled yesterday and his poor mouth was frozen but what he could taste he said was good. He is so sweet after every meal he goes " mm mmnn mmmmmmmmmmm. Honest to God how could you not cook for someone who says my secret ingredient is Love??
I also is going to start exercising I had to take a week off from the treadmill from overdoing it in my Friends torture chamber aka home gym in Atlanta. I would like to look totally svelte when I go 25 days in a row to the Dumont. I will dress to the nines, a different a wig for each outfit and will not repeat an outfit, unless requested by a nurse or very handsome Doctor. Oh to live in my head. Its fun on my Street. Just don't leave me alone for too long.
Have a nice day. Oh and I will leave you with this little bit of news. Yesterday I celebrated 2 years without a drop of Alcohol...Oh yes I miss the drinking and dialing. Be very happy I never had your number.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
To Blog or Not to Blog
Well I've been struggling with the whole concept of my blog. You see when I started it was to let my friends who are far away go online and see how I'm doing. People and friends loved going on to see how I was doing and to read my humorous antidote's. But when the blog is going to be my negative I had to tune out and get through the downtime by myself to work out my demons I collected on the way.
I struggled with exhaustion and the low immune system, going to Louisiana and getting sick was difficult. It kept me down. The realization that reconstruction was a long way off. The daily watching of hair renewal on my head, eyebrows and eyelashes. Susan being from the instant gratification folk well patience was never my strong suit. Living one day at time is great when you have had a great day, but the sad days the impatient days we're lasting longer then anticipated.
I had to go off sleep medication. This brought nightmares, recurring dreams that I cannot get a hold of Frank. So weird. In all my dreams he is not answering his cell. This is a man who answers my calls whether he is in a serious meeting, a conference call with Japan. He answers so in a nightmare and I can't find him, I wake up crying and telling him off. He just rolls over and says "yes dear". He is so well trained. Well I am happy to say the sleep medication took a week to go and I am better off for it.
You know despite the years of dieting, and never being really overweight this took its tole on my body and its reaction to food. So naturally going off of steroids, sleeping pils, all medication I lost weight I also lost weight because I didn't have to eat to alleviate the nauseousness. Well all of a sudden I also had the taste for coffee again. One of the most difficult thing for this caffeine freak to give up. So lower weight, less food, lots of cafeine, well people we're asking me are you on steroids again. Well never one to catch on early. Hyper Sue was back. Robb my wonderful 19 year old wants his legal identification card. So off to the Motor Vehicle Branch. Well this little carte d'itentite is now $45.00 not $9.00 so yup I'm paying for it. Which is OK. So I send him over to the spot to have his picture taken. Now usually control freak Momma would be right there telling their photographer how to take the pic. But I'm sure Robb can handle this. I hear from a distance the employee asking him if the pic was OK? Now I told you I was hyper right? I had just come from Franks office to tell him good news I had just received from the Plastic Surgeon. At his office I downed a coffee and two chocolates and a caramel. Now due to coming off of sleep medication I had slept in that day and had had very little food. Sue is now HYPER he comes to me shows me the picture, now the Motor Vehicle Branch is empty its big, and I look at the picture and yell (I have no idea how loud I am) and say "oh my God you look like a Felon"! Robb goes into shock he is embarrassed as hell as I continue and say " you just paid $45.00 for that"!! "You look like a wanted Man!! He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day!!!
It took me two days to get him back on track.
Now I bet you want to know what the plastic surgeon had to say. This is great and is going to make the wait worth it. Due to an old scar she has limited area to reconstruct the breast the same size as the right. So she will make a little one (don't forget the tummy tuck) and she will after that heals put implants in both. TaDA. Now when I told Frank this he looks at me honest to god with a dreamy look and says "38 double D"s?? Imagine after all this hell he thinks only of the size. But it will be fun. Surgery not a piece of cake but hopefully worth it. I cannot imagine not having reconstruction. Everyone makes this decision at one point when they lose a breast. Some decide not to and that I really do understand. I say connect me to a morphine drip and bring it on.
Oh and you know I missed the flowers......................... well wishers for 3 months sent me flowers if they came for coffee they brought flowers. Well Frank gave me roses for our anniversary, and they reminded me of how much I missed them, so yesterday I went and bought three bouquets for 3 rooms and OM goodness Spring has sprung in my house. I am so happy today. I have radiation next starting in less then two weeks. Hope you're all still with me for the ride. xoxoxoxo
I struggled with exhaustion and the low immune system, going to Louisiana and getting sick was difficult. It kept me down. The realization that reconstruction was a long way off. The daily watching of hair renewal on my head, eyebrows and eyelashes. Susan being from the instant gratification folk well patience was never my strong suit. Living one day at time is great when you have had a great day, but the sad days the impatient days we're lasting longer then anticipated.
I had to go off sleep medication. This brought nightmares, recurring dreams that I cannot get a hold of Frank. So weird. In all my dreams he is not answering his cell. This is a man who answers my calls whether he is in a serious meeting, a conference call with Japan. He answers so in a nightmare and I can't find him, I wake up crying and telling him off. He just rolls over and says "yes dear". He is so well trained. Well I am happy to say the sleep medication took a week to go and I am better off for it.
You know despite the years of dieting, and never being really overweight this took its tole on my body and its reaction to food. So naturally going off of steroids, sleeping pils, all medication I lost weight I also lost weight because I didn't have to eat to alleviate the nauseousness. Well all of a sudden I also had the taste for coffee again. One of the most difficult thing for this caffeine freak to give up. So lower weight, less food, lots of cafeine, well people we're asking me are you on steroids again. Well never one to catch on early. Hyper Sue was back. Robb my wonderful 19 year old wants his legal identification card. So off to the Motor Vehicle Branch. Well this little carte d'itentite is now $45.00 not $9.00 so yup I'm paying for it. Which is OK. So I send him over to the spot to have his picture taken. Now usually control freak Momma would be right there telling their photographer how to take the pic. But I'm sure Robb can handle this. I hear from a distance the employee asking him if the pic was OK? Now I told you I was hyper right? I had just come from Franks office to tell him good news I had just received from the Plastic Surgeon. At his office I downed a coffee and two chocolates and a caramel. Now due to coming off of sleep medication I had slept in that day and had had very little food. Sue is now HYPER he comes to me shows me the picture, now the Motor Vehicle Branch is empty its big, and I look at the picture and yell (I have no idea how loud I am) and say "oh my God you look like a Felon"! Robb goes into shock he is embarrassed as hell as I continue and say " you just paid $45.00 for that"!! "You look like a wanted Man!! He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day!!!
It took me two days to get him back on track.
Now I bet you want to know what the plastic surgeon had to say. This is great and is going to make the wait worth it. Due to an old scar she has limited area to reconstruct the breast the same size as the right. So she will make a little one (don't forget the tummy tuck) and she will after that heals put implants in both. TaDA. Now when I told Frank this he looks at me honest to god with a dreamy look and says "38 double D"s?? Imagine after all this hell he thinks only of the size. But it will be fun. Surgery not a piece of cake but hopefully worth it. I cannot imagine not having reconstruction. Everyone makes this decision at one point when they lose a breast. Some decide not to and that I really do understand. I say connect me to a morphine drip and bring it on.
Oh and you know I missed the flowers......................... well wishers for 3 months sent me flowers if they came for coffee they brought flowers. Well Frank gave me roses for our anniversary, and they reminded me of how much I missed them, so yesterday I went and bought three bouquets for 3 rooms and OM goodness Spring has sprung in my house. I am so happy today. I have radiation next starting in less then two weeks. Hope you're all still with me for the ride. xoxoxoxo
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Going Into March
Well I'm definitely not going into March like a lion, more like a lost lamb. Chemo been done for a Month and all of a sudden no Oncology visits, I miss the nurses. No extra mural, no blood work no more flowers.................wahhhhhhhhhhhhh .
So its a new road of waiting instead of being waited on. I loved being waited on. Its not the "poor Susan" stuff its like all of a sudden its not all about me........ wahhhhhhhhhhhh Ok enough of the wahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm moving on. My hair is growing and I like the colour my hair is an inch long and I this morning wondered if I would eventually put blond back in. So right there I know I am coming back to the new/old me. I'm working out on the treadmill and honest to god before cancer I had a flat butt....where did my J-lo butt come from. You see I don't need anyone making it about me I can do that all by myself.
I had some friends over the wonderful thing as I have said so many times are the new /old friends back in my life. So why am I sad?? I'll answer that with growth brings changes and things that will never be the same. Adjustment what a concept? Again one day at time.
So its a new road of waiting instead of being waited on. I loved being waited on. Its not the "poor Susan" stuff its like all of a sudden its not all about me........ wahhhhhhhhhhhh Ok enough of the wahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm moving on. My hair is growing and I like the colour my hair is an inch long and I this morning wondered if I would eventually put blond back in. So right there I know I am coming back to the new/old me. I'm working out on the treadmill and honest to god before cancer I had a flat butt....where did my J-lo butt come from. You see I don't need anyone making it about me I can do that all by myself.
I had some friends over the wonderful thing as I have said so many times are the new /old friends back in my life. So why am I sad?? I'll answer that with growth brings changes and things that will never be the same. Adjustment what a concept? Again one day at time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)