To Blog or Not to Blog

Well I've been struggling with the whole concept of my blog. You see when I started it was to let my friends who are far away go online and see how I'm doing. People and friends loved going on to see how I was doing and to read my humorous antidote's. But when the blog is going to be my negative I had to tune out and get through the downtime by myself to work out my demons I collected on the way.
I struggled with exhaustion and the low immune system, going to Louisiana and getting sick was difficult. It kept me down. The realization that reconstruction was a long way off. The daily watching of hair renewal on my head, eyebrows and eyelashes. Susan being from the instant gratification folk well patience was never my strong suit. Living one day at time is great when you have had a great day, but the sad days the impatient days we're lasting longer then anticipated.
I had to go off sleep medication. This brought nightmares, recurring dreams that I cannot get a hold of Frank. So weird. In all my dreams he is not answering his cell. This is a man who answers my calls whether he is in a serious meeting, a conference call with Japan. He answers so in a nightmare and I can't find him, I wake up crying and telling him off. He just rolls over and says "yes dear". He is so well trained. Well I am happy to say the sleep medication took a week to go and I am better off for it.
You know despite the years of dieting, and never being really overweight this took its tole on my body and its reaction to food. So naturally going off of steroids, sleeping pils, all medication I lost weight I also lost weight because I didn't have to eat to alleviate the nauseousness. Well all of a sudden I also had the taste for coffee again. One of the most difficult thing for this caffeine freak to give up. So lower weight, less food, lots of cafeine, well people we're asking me are you on steroids again. Well never one to catch on early. Hyper Sue was back. Robb my wonderful 19 year old wants his legal identification card. So off to the Motor Vehicle Branch. Well this little carte d'itentite is now $45.00 not $9.00 so yup I'm paying for it. Which is OK. So I send him over to the spot to have his picture taken. Now usually control freak Momma would be right there telling their photographer how to take the pic. But I'm sure Robb can handle this. I hear from a distance the employee asking him if the pic was OK? Now I told you I was hyper right? I had just come from Franks office to tell him good news I had just received from the Plastic Surgeon. At his office I downed a coffee and two chocolates and a caramel. Now due to coming off of sleep medication I had slept in that day and had had very little food. Sue is now HYPER he comes to me shows me the picture, now the Motor Vehicle Branch is empty its big, and I look at the picture and yell (I have no idea how loud I am) and say "oh my God you look like a Felon"! Robb goes into shock he is embarrassed as hell as I continue and say " you just paid $45.00 for that"!! "You look like a wanted Man!! He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day!!!
It took me two days to get him back on track.
Now I bet you want to know what the plastic surgeon had to say. This is great and is going to make the wait worth it. Due to an old scar she has limited area to reconstruct the breast the same size as the right. So she will make a little one (don't forget the tummy tuck) and she will after that heals put implants in both. TaDA. Now when I told Frank this he looks at me honest to god with a dreamy look and says "38 double D"s?? Imagine after all this hell he thinks only of the size. But it will be fun. Surgery not a piece of cake but hopefully worth it. I cannot imagine not having reconstruction. Everyone makes this decision at one point when they lose a breast. Some decide not to and that I really do understand. I say connect me to a morphine drip and bring it on.
Oh and you know I missed the flowers......................... well wishers for 3 months sent me flowers if they came for coffee they brought flowers. Well Frank gave me roses for our anniversary, and they reminded me of how much I missed them, so yesterday I went and bought three bouquets for 3 rooms and OM goodness Spring has sprung in my house. I am so happy today. I have radiation next starting in less then two weeks. Hope you're all still with me for the ride. xoxoxoxo