The Breast Divide

Well just a meltdown with my cat this time with chemo so all is well. But some really nice revelations and turn arounds. Thought I'd share. You see I lost the breast and thought I had accepted it but no not really. I loved my breasts and my body OK didn't love love it. I was always controlling my diet. Tried hard to look good which is normal most women want to look their best. But I was really forgetting to take a bath and a shower girls. Ok Ok I did but not like i used to . There were a few days I couldn't remember my last one but thats chemo short term memory loss.

I go take a shower and walk by the mirror and duck literally didn't want to see the scar. So I mostly bathed. But you know time does heal all things. Well maybe it does or doesn't I like to think that it does. So the last week (8) days, Frank was away and I freely walked around bald, didn't worry what I looked like. Looked after my teenager got things done.

Some things I did I don't think I'd do again. I bought chemo sweaters big sweaters that hid my body. So Friday Frank is home and a friend drops in and she's all dressed up she'd been working looked pretty in her suit an makeup. She left, then another friend dropped in, looking fabulous and I'm sitting there in my chemo clothes. Feeling not to sexy or beautiful. Something changed in side that night I went into the shower and washed my breast I looked at it and washed it. Patted it dry and put cream on it. You know I wasn't even cuddling with Frank unconsciously I was letting the breast that is gone separate me from myself and him and well maybe a few loved ones.( No NO know what you're thinking no love ones played with them sheesh.) I walked in on my sister changing one day and she turned and there her girls we're. Jeolous yup maybe down deep and I don't think these feelings are unusual.

So I am starting to love the side of my body that got sick. I feel sexier wearing some slim fitting clothes and feeling it on the inside and cannot wait to spoon tonight and no more great breast divide. Thanks for letting me share, it is so healing.

love Sue