Day 5 with a Breast Cancer Diagnosis

Well I woke up pretty pretty tired. I had a nightmare about Frank, in my dream I couldn't find him, when I did he says I couldn't come home, and he would tell me why "frame by frame". Do woke up cranky and sleepy and shitty. Went to a meeting and started crying around 11 finished about1.30 My dear friend came by, Therese and we hugged and cried together. My sister was here Jennifer and her son Jack he mowes the lawn for us. (making a small fortune I might add). So we chatted Jennifer left and Therese got out all her healing tools. She knows Iroquois customs and did a cleanse on me. A friend and colleague of Franks came by she was dropping off something for Frank, so she joined the ceremony. She was exhilarated and it was great. My sense of sorrow left and went across the street and met my new neighbors. Having a wine and cheese for all my neighbors next week no one knows eachother so they need someone to initiate and I love to instigate so it will be nice.
I yelled at my son during a meltdown and crying jag. Felt bad. He felt worse. He forgave me. He's out spending his paycheck on his new girlfriend right now.
You know I was starting to get morbid about the whole thing alot of "what ifs" and "whats next"will I be here for Christmas. But I got through it, because it must be part of my process. You know I always believed I was going to grow up and be Doris Day, I watched all her movies and guess what her movies always had happy endings. So I will too. I choose to fight to live to love and to laugh. Oh and I am living quite a fairytale life so I will be fine this weekend. Two more days until I see the Surgeon and she tells me what my steps are going to be. Franks taking me to Bogarts my favourite restaurant for supper so I plan on dressing to the nines and feeling fabulouse. Thank Goodness for the support of my family and friends. God bless everyone today. Crying does clear your eyes so you can see.