Well a year ago I dreamt of a new house started with wanting a new frig, Frank said no no no I said then how about a new house. He said well maybe a bungalow................ ha I got the house and the first day in I said "OH No" that's not the frig for this house and voila I got a new frig. Dream big girls dream big. I said last year I am tired of this bedroom set..its old and voila I got my four poster bed!!!!
Well I also said a year ago..."Frank for $5000.00 I can have any size breasts you want!!!! Ha I'm getting new ones but ... the surprise was the price I have to pay is breast cancer. You know its not funny and the chemo has been hell but when this is all over with I will have new breasts and hopefully a nice size. Sometimes I say well I'm lucky breast cancer has taken lives, mine was stage 1. But you know Lucky isn't the word, there's no luck just my mountain has been my mountain. Yes lots of people have climbed theres and won, reached the goal line.
I seriously thought two weeks ago that's it I'm telling my Doctors I;m done no more. but I will have the next one and I will get through it. I;ll cry and stamp my feet and do my monthly two year old tantrum but the alternative would be to give up and I can't. Its my Mountain I'll climb it but I;m not climbing it alone. This past year so many friends and family and acquaintances have all stood in my corner loving me and urging me on, how can I stop now. You know I would love to be looking back and to be looking at another type of fall. Planting in my new yard, painting taking pictures a few trips to Montreal with Frank. But I am looking back at this fight, my first walk for the cure, my first exercise class with Breast Cancer Survivors, my first chemo where I cried in the room with the nurse. How my son hit the wall with this, how Frank walked like a zombie for a week,my Mother melting down because I blog and tell the world (to her the world) about my daily thoughts. I love how my older sister Patti stepped up and took me to chemo when Frank was away, calls everyday comes over, we go shopping together to Damascus for coffee. This sister who I thought never got me has been so here for me.
I'm looking back at all the people who care and cared and who are still caring for me. A special lady who nursed her husband when he had cancer, he lost his fight but she prepared me for so much.
But if you look back you go back and I am looking ahead now to 2010 wow I'll be 50 this year, I'll be ending this war and winning it. And best of all I will have the best boobs in town. Happy New Year
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Hellllllllllllllo Merry Christmas
Well I laughed again today. So the near death chemo experience is behind me. Well Ok I embellish not near death but I did want to die at times. It was awful they said it would be and they we're right. Aches pains swollen muscles joints I could feel my tendons swelling cartilage swelling. I could tell when an army of white blood cells we're moving in for an attack! No well Ok again I embellish but it was not a walk in the park.
But Christmas came and I was spoiled rotten nothing like a little breast cancer to fill the stocking boy. Even my sister in law who never gives gift except( the gifts of love and food) she even gave me a gift. So yup cleaned up. You know those baskets you buy tickets on filled with perfume candles chocolate?? Well I even got one of those. Ok Ok enough. But I was sick did I tell you that?
Another one on the 6th of January boy can't wait to go through this again. But I will and I am and its because I refuse to not do whatever I can to beat this bull.
Anyway we had Christmas and Franks son came with his girlfriend. Such a great time they brought their dog Happy, he is a great boy. Shed all over the house, howled very loudly when someone came to the door. Callie our cat wasn't pleased at first, but it wasn't long before they we're sniffing eachother in all those crazy places . So that created a bit of bedlam but was fun. We'll miss Happy.
Did I tell you how sick I was last week????????? Happy New Year
But Christmas came and I was spoiled rotten nothing like a little breast cancer to fill the stocking boy. Even my sister in law who never gives gift except( the gifts of love and food) she even gave me a gift. So yup cleaned up. You know those baskets you buy tickets on filled with perfume candles chocolate?? Well I even got one of those. Ok Ok enough. But I was sick did I tell you that?
Another one on the 6th of January boy can't wait to go through this again. But I will and I am and its because I refuse to not do whatever I can to beat this bull.
Anyway we had Christmas and Franks son came with his girlfriend. Such a great time they brought their dog Happy, he is a great boy. Shed all over the house, howled very loudly when someone came to the door. Callie our cat wasn't pleased at first, but it wasn't long before they we're sniffing eachother in all those crazy places . So that created a bit of bedlam but was fun. We'll miss Happy.
Did I tell you how sick I was last week????????? Happy New Year
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The New Me!!
Don't worry the old is still here. But I am feeling like the me before chemo for the first time in weeks. Feels good. Well yes and no the old me was a hypochondriac, vain, worry some, controlling,,,,OkOk I'm feeling like the new old me, sweet, loving, giving, laughing all the time.
I think its Christmas and the excitement of connecting with old friends, and that actually on face book I'm going to get to wish people merry Christmas know how they're doing. By the way if anyone gets a diamond ring don't tell me. I want one don't know what Franks waiting for. Wow selfish me. He just bought me a four poster bed I've wanted one all my life. But no ring whahhwaa waaaaaaaa waaaaa ring. Its OK our anniversary comes up in February could get i t then. I keep singing to him oh"on the fifth day of Christmas 5 (real loud voice) 5 Golden rings!!!! He doesn't always laugh at this.Well another chemo is around the corner and well all I can say is "Bring it On"!! I survived the first 3 , the nauseousness , dancing on the ceilings from the steroids, 8 pound weight gain which you would think was 100 the way I go on about it to Frank. The heartburn, tiredness oh and lets not forget the hot flashes, llllllllllllllloooove those, followed by mood swings, almost split personality mood swings. The best for last is that all food tastes burnt. We went to Dairy Queen one night (treat for the teenager) and everything that had been fried in the fat that those french fries had been fried in I could taste. Onion rings, chicken all that flavour in 1 oily french fry.
After two weeks of all that 1 week of normalcy and then I get to go again. But I love my life. My friends are fantastic, acquaintances of those friends are supporting my friends. So many help you get through this. Whenever people see me in public they tell me how great I look, this makes me happy. I think its the smile because I'm so happy to see them. Wee had the staff party for Franks company here we had a blast. 3 guys plus Frank brought their guitars we danced, ate , sang. Three non alcoholic beers later I was speaking french.I used to think alcohol gave me the confidence to speak French but the confidence comes from in side , building you're self esteem daily, now I made some mistakes but they understood me.
Before I sign off I want to advise some of you who haven't as yet purchased those 5X times the size mirrors for you makeup. I am now obsessing about the wrinkles on my ears. Don't do it yourselves..
xoxoxoxo
I think its Christmas and the excitement of connecting with old friends, and that actually on face book I'm going to get to wish people merry Christmas know how they're doing. By the way if anyone gets a diamond ring don't tell me. I want one don't know what Franks waiting for. Wow selfish me. He just bought me a four poster bed I've wanted one all my life. But no ring whahhwaa waaaaaaaa waaaaa ring. Its OK our anniversary comes up in February could get i t then. I keep singing to him oh"on the fifth day of Christmas 5 (real loud voice) 5 Golden rings!!!! He doesn't always laugh at this.Well another chemo is around the corner and well all I can say is "Bring it On"!! I survived the first 3 , the nauseousness , dancing on the ceilings from the steroids, 8 pound weight gain which you would think was 100 the way I go on about it to Frank. The heartburn, tiredness oh and lets not forget the hot flashes, llllllllllllllloooove those, followed by mood swings, almost split personality mood swings. The best for last is that all food tastes burnt. We went to Dairy Queen one night (treat for the teenager) and everything that had been fried in the fat that those french fries had been fried in I could taste. Onion rings, chicken all that flavour in 1 oily french fry.
After two weeks of all that 1 week of normalcy and then I get to go again. But I love my life. My friends are fantastic, acquaintances of those friends are supporting my friends. So many help you get through this. Whenever people see me in public they tell me how great I look, this makes me happy. I think its the smile because I'm so happy to see them. Wee had the staff party for Franks company here we had a blast. 3 guys plus Frank brought their guitars we danced, ate , sang. Three non alcoholic beers later I was speaking french.I used to think alcohol gave me the confidence to speak French but the confidence comes from in side , building you're self esteem daily, now I made some mistakes but they understood me.
Before I sign off I want to advise some of you who haven't as yet purchased those 5X times the size mirrors for you makeup. I am now obsessing about the wrinkles on my ears. Don't do it yourselves..
xoxoxoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)